Despite being a shameless Big Brother addict I’ve never really got into Celebrity Big Brother. I enjoyed last years, mainly thanks to the wonderful Coolio, and I loved the first series, but other than that I’ve been pretty apathetic towards it. This year has the potential to change that.
As usual it’s a mix of nobodies and err… lesser nobodies. So, here we go. It’s not like I’ve got much of an idea of what each celebrity is like as a person so I’m just going to massively generalise.
Stephen Baldwin: Within seconds of his entrance my Twitter feed was full of people saying ‘he looks a bit rapey’. He’s religious which bodes well for some sort of hilarious breakdown, possibly with a blackboard and chalk. He’s probably the worst Baldwin brother, although the only thing I know him from was the Flinstones movie which was by all accounts a piece of shit.
Prediction: Mid-runner
Nicola T: Like last years Page 3 girl (whose name escapes me) except not famous. Or attractive. Even the knee-high socks couldn’t rescue her.
Prediction: Out 3rd
Alex Reid: Potentially the biggest waste of air in the house, although that particular accolade is hotly contested. His claim to fame is the he ‘used to go out with Jordan’. Who hasn’t? Should have attempted to get Dwight Yorke or Gareth Gates instead. Or Andre, I guess.
Prediction: Cunt
Stephanie Beacham: Yeah she’s a reasonably big name but I don’t really care what she does or what she has to say. At this stage of the live show I was starting to think that it was going to be the worst line-up ever…
Prediction: Mid-runner
Lady Sov: But then Lady Sov entered. She should be a good’un. She looks like a chav, talks like a chav and raps like a chav… but she isn’t a chav. And if you say she’s a chav then she’ll knife you.
Prediction:4th
Sisqo: What an entrance. Possibly the best Big Brother entrance ever. It’ll probably be one of my TV highlights come the end of the year. If it’s not then TV will be unbelievably brilliant in 2010.
Prediction: 3rd
Dane Bowers: Had no chance of making a good entrance after Sisqo. He should have sang ‘Freak Me’ or fallen down the stairs. I don’t care about Reid vs Bowers, possibly because I don’t know who Reid is and possibly because Bowers is out of a one-hit wonder R&B boyband from the late 90’s. Just a hunch.
Prediction: 5th
Heidi Fleiss: Looks like a cross between Pete Burns and Simon Weston (post-burns).
Prediction: First out.
Basshunter: He’s a fucking nutbox. I can’t really forgive him for making my ears bleed with his disgraceful music but I can forgive him for being a fucking nutbox. If he’s not one 0f the most entertaining celebrity housemates ever then he’ll have a lot to answer for.
Prediction: Winner
Katia Ivonova: Meh
Prediction: Out 2nd
Vinnles Jonsles: Should be good but I have a funny feeling he’ll be a disappointment. We’ll see. He’s hardly a ‘British institution’ like Davina said but he’s still a big name and brings some much needed star-power to the show.
Prediction: 2nd
I think the series could hinge on the celebrities that portray themselves as having a big personality actually showing that they have a big personality in the house. Lady Sov, Sisqo, Basshunter and Vinnie Jones all talk the talk but it’ll be interesting to see whether they walk the walk or not. Well, Basshunter will. I know that for sure.
As for the task at the end of the show, well, what a massive waste of time. You would have thought that someone would have checked whether it’s possible to fit 11 people in a mini.
So, as usual it’s a mix of good and bad. Half-decent presentation for once but poor task-setting. Some good celebrities and some poor ones. It could swing either way- there’s enough personality in the house for this series to be a cracker, but I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.